Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (imnotsayingitright) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:42:46 GMT

Yep, I think you let your emotions do the reacting, but it sounds like you're coming around now!

It sucks that you can't go - money problems ALWAYS suck! This won't be the last time money gets in the way of life either.

But your fiance will very much enjoy seeing his family, and he'll be home soon enough.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (FreeSpiritSinger84) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:40:33 GMT

Mistress Darcy wrote:

FreeSpiritSinger84 wrote:
We've been together six years so its been a long time for them to supposedly earn my trust. I do not want to be the person that doesn't let him see his family either. I would hate for him to resent me. Yet I also do not see engagement as a regular relationship. A ring signifies commitment. However, I do...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (imnotsayingitright) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:39:53 GMT

I just picked the lowest possible ticket price because I was scared if I went too much, she'd focus on that, lol.

But JFC, 750 bucks! That's a lot to ask for a family to prove that they don't mind you marrying their son.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (texaskiwi85) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:38:11 GMT

Try $750+ per person.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (imnotsayingitright) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:35:30 GMT

I don't even understand what you want from the family to prove that they respect you though. You want her to fork over the $350+ for your ticket as well to prove she accepts you as her future daughter-in-law? That is a lot to ask - even if you were already his wife.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (texaskiwi85) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:34:50 GMT

Holy shit, you live in Alaska? You must know how expensive it is to fly to Houston then. My best friend's inlaws moved to Alaska and the only reason they came back to Texas was for my friend's wedding in April. That's one trip back in 5 years. It's expensive and I don't blame your future mother in law for not paying it!

You'd probably melt here anyway.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (Mistress Darcy) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:33:41 GMT

FreeSpiritSinger84 wrote:
We've been together six years so its been a long time for them to supposedly earn my trust. I do not want to be the person that doesn't let him see his family either. I would hate for him to resent me. Yet I also do not see engagement as a regular relationship. A ring signifies commitment. However, I do think I am just going to say that he should go. I guess I will be fine, alone, all by myself...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (Mistress Darcy) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:29:24 GMT

IdDoJC100Ways wrote:

Mistress Darcy wrote:
To me, being a part of the family is not magically clinched with an engagment. Ultimately, engagment is not that different from a plain old relationship. I see being a part of the family as something that is earned over time-trust and respect. It may happen before getting engaged or it may happen years after the...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (FreeSpiritSinger84) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:28:21 GMT

We've been together six years so its been a long time for them to supposedly earn my trust. I do not want to be the person that doesn't let him see his family either. I would hate for him to resent me. Yet I also do not see engagement as a regular relationship. A ring signifies commitment. However, I do think I am just going to say that he should go. I guess I will be fine, alone, all by myself with no family or really any friends in Alaska while he sees his wonderful family in Texas....

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (imnotsayingitright) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:28:07 GMT

Whatever happens, I don't think it'd be wise for you to expect your fiance to miss the wedding.

His family wants him there, and HE wants to be there.

People have to separate all the time for a variety of reasons. I missed my husband's family reunion because I couldn't get the time off work (that sucked). My cousin's husband missed my sister's wedding for the same reason. Just because half of the couple couldn't go doesn't mean the other half...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (texaskiwi85) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:25:28 GMT

IdDoJC100Ways wrote:
As a finance, no I don't think it's a problem at all. While feeling upset seems natural, I think it would be a totally different situation if you were already married.

And why should he have declined? It's a family wedding and someone wants the whole family there. The OP isn't yet a part of the family despite the living arrangements.

I am engaged as well I...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (IdDoJC100Ways) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:23:27 GMT

Mistress Darcy wrote:
To me, being a part of the family is not magically clinched with an engagment. Ultimately, engagment is not that different from a plain old relationship. I see being a part of the family as something that is earned over time-trust and respect. It may happen before getting engaged or it may happen years after the marriage.

I think that's true. I'm treated very differently now than...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (Mistress Darcy) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:20:54 GMT

To me, being a part of the family is not magically clinched with an engagment. Ultimately, engagment is not that different from a plain old relationship. I see being a part of the family as something that is earned over time-trust and respect. It may happen before getting engaged or it may happen years after the marriage depending on the circumstances.
In general, I think this is something you should just let go and be cool about. That may even earn part of that trust and respect-do you...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (IdDoJC100Ways) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:19:35 GMT

While I agree with you, in the sense that we are not married. Yet at the same time it's what I don't understand. To me when someone proposes to someone, they are like part of the family now. You know, they are going to be with that person for a lifetime. I mean, you don't propose to someone without the idea that you are marrying them. You don't buy a ring and set up joint accounts for a good time. To me I am seeing the big picture. I just don't feel...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (FreeSpiritSinger84) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:16:15 GMT

IdDoJC100Ways wrote:
As a finance, no I don't think it's a problem at all. While feeling upset seems natural, I think it would be a totally different situation if you were already married.

And why should he have declined? It's a family wedding and someone wants the whole family there. The OP isn't yet a part of the family despite the living arrangements.

While I agree with you,...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (Kris700) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:15:12 GMT

FreeSpiritSinger84 wrote:
But I also see it as a direct slap in the face if he goes. It shows me he doesn't really respect our relationship. I mean, how many couples do you see going without their husband or wife like 2,000 miles away?

This is his cousin. Do you know the cousin? Are you close to this cousin? I really don't see how him going to his cousin's wedding without you, when you...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (tackyblueeyeshadow) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:12:22 GMT

IdDoJC100Ways wrote:
As a finance, no I don't think it's a problem at all. While feeling upset seems natural, I think it would be a totally different situation if you were already married.

And why should he have declined? It's a family wedding and someone wants the whole family there. The OP isn't yet a part of the family despite the living arrangements.

Completely agree with...

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (IdDoJC100Ways) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:09:59 GMT

As a finance, no I don't think it's a problem at all. While feeling upset seems natural, I think it would be a totally different situation if you were already married.

And why should he have declined? It's a family wedding and someone wants the whole family there. The OP isn't yet a part of the family despite the living arrangements.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (Mistress Darcy) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:08:43 GMT

I would not see it as a direct slap in the face. I would probably want my man to see his family even if we could not afford me to go as well.

Re: Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (imnotsayingitright) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 10:06:17 GMT

If it's that big of a deal to him, I think you guys should charge your ticket. Or ask his mother to pay for your ticket with the understanding that you would pay her back.

My sister was married in April, and tickets are expensive, so my dad paid for my ticket to be nice, but we paid for my husband's ticket - on our credit card.

This was my sister, so it was very important that we both be there, prices be damned.

Would you be upset/hurt/whatever...

feeds@yuku.com (FreeSpiritSinger84) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 08:10:11 GMT

if your fiance's mom called and told him that she was paying for a plane ticket for him to go to his cousin's wedding in Houston and there wasn't any mention of you whatsoever? Cause I don't know whether to blow it off or be upset that my fiance is going to a wedding without me. It just kinda feels like his family still doesn't act like I am a part of his life in a way. Or is that way over-analyzing? Help.