On several ocassions lately I feel like my boyfriend is just becoming TOO comfortable with our relationship or something, and it's starting to make him
just seem inconsiderate to me. Don't get me wrong, he is a GREAT guy, amazing boyfriend, family person, super smart, I want to marry him someday. But right
now I dont know if this is worth saying something or if I should just let it go.
My mom has Hepatitis and was going for her first treatment out of town and left me to watch our puppy for the night while my dad took her. I asked my BF to
stay over with me that night so I wouldn't be sitting here alone and bored with nothing to do but worry about her. He said if he got off work early enough
he would come over (he bartends some nights, this was one of them, and sometimes it can be pretty late). Well, he got off at like 9pm and called me to see what
was up, me expecting him to say he would be over soon since he got off so early. And he says "I think I'm just gonna stay home. I'm sure
you'll be fine. it's not a big deal." Well, to me it sort of was. I really just wanted his company for the night. After I sounded disappointed he
ended up coming over but I know it was just because he didn't want me to be sad/pissed off, and not because he wanted to. I know, it's a little thing,
but still kind of hurt my feelings when he knew about this ahead of time.
Then, he had class yesterday til 8 and earlier in the day we planned to do something when he was done since we both had the night off from work. I started my
first day back at classes (I took 2 years off and it was a big deal to go back for me) today at 8AM. He got out of class, called me, asked me if I wanted to
come over/sleep over and hang out or whatever. He must have mentioned me having 8am class the next day 6 times, so he obviously knew about it and kept telling
me how proud of me he was/is. So we planned for me to just go to school from his apartment this morning (I sleep there a lot so this was no big deal or nothing
new). Well, I get there around 9 and when I think of "hanging out" and being invited over there, I think of us hanging out together or doing
something, even if it's just watching TV... but it turns out he spends the whole time playing his stupid Xbox and pretty much ignoring me. So around 12:30
I try to fall asleep and it's impossible with all of this noise from the TV and the brightness. At around 1:30 I STILL can't fall asleep and I tell
him, he just says "sorry, we never can all get online at the same time to play so...." and continues playing. I say "maybe I should just go
home"... at 1:30AM when I live a good 20 minutes away and have class at 8, and he says "Whatever you wanna do". Doesn't offer to just turn
it off since he knows tomorrow is a big day for me, barely even acknowledging what I said. I ended up going in the living room and attempting to fall asleep on
the couch.
I just do SO MUCH for him, always putting him first. When I'm with him I give him my undivided attention. He did this for a long time too, but now it's
just like it's no big deal to him if I'm there or not and he just does whatever he'd do if I weren't there.. even though HE invited me and
wanted me to come over. I mean, I wouldn't have cared to just stay home and not see him last night, all he had to do was say he had plans to play xbox with
his friends and he'd be up pretty late (it was 4am when he finally shut it off). But he made it seem like he wanted to see me, and then acted like I
wasn't even there and made it impossible for me to fall asleep.
I'm just feeling so weird. I still get so excited to see him and be with him and I feel like to him it doesn't matter either way. I don't know that
that's true, and I'm sure he'd tell me otherwise, but I just feel so down about it lately. It could be all in my head, and I'm aware these are
MINOR problems in a relationship and nothing to really make a big deal about, but my feelings are just sort of hurt when he acts inconsiderate like that.
Am I ridiculous? Please tell me if I am. Seriously.
Do you think my boyfriend is being inconsiderate? kinda long
| Started By | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|
towerOVERme |
Do you think my boyfriend is being inconsiderate? kinda long |
Lead | |
|
Posts: 210 (08/26/2008 3:07 PM) |
Edited By: towerOVERme 08/26/2008 3:11 PM.
Edited 1 time.
|
||
Too XTRM For The Letter E |
|||
|
Posts: 579 (08/26/2008 3:12 PM) |
It's hard to say whether he's an inconsiderate boyfriend or not based on only two anecdotes...but yeah, I think he was definitely inconsiderate both of
those times.
|
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 211 (08/26/2008 3:16 PM) |
See, I'd hate to call him a jerk.. and I feel bad even picking this all apart like this. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love him
to death. But I guess these little things are just adding up to me lately.
Like today, he was supposed to call me when he woke up because he had class at 1pm and I have my break from 10:45-12:30... so he said if he woke up in time he'd come down to campus early and get lunch or something with me. Kind of like "yay for your first day back" thing. But he didn't call until about 12:40 when I was in my next class, so I couldn't answer. Then he calls again when I'm in class and I still can't answer. After class, I ran into him cause his was in the same building, right as I was about to call him back. I asked him what time he got up and he said he was up since 11am. Didn't come to campus, didn't call when he woke up... just called on his way to school instead when I couldn't even answer. He's like "I forgot when your break was". And I told him like 17 times yesterday. |
||
PinkSugar99 |
|||
|
Posts: 4080 (08/26/2008 3:16 PM) |
Let it go. He still came to see you at your parent's house even though he just wanted to stay home. And just because he was playing with his XBox
doesn't mean he's ignoring you, just having you there was probably enough for him
. Also, if you wanted more attention, why don't you initiate
more interaction?
If it's one thing I learned in relationships, is to let little things go. |
||
EJFiederer |
|||
|
Posts: 8868 (08/26/2008 3:19 PM) |
In some parts you're wrong and in some parts he is, but I don't know how you can feel the way you feel and still throw out the compliments and the
desire to marry him one day. It obviously isn't going to work if you are both on different pages this early on. Life is a rollercoaster. If little things
like not paying attention to you every minute bother you now...wait 'til you marry him. You can't go into something like a marriage with hopes for
improvement. WAKE UP! He is not the guy for you!
|
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 212 (08/26/2008 3:20 PM) |
PinkSugar99 wrote:I know. See, that is why I'm venting here and not making it a big deal and saying something to him. At least not unless it carries on and becomes a bigger problem. I don't think he does these types of things on purpose, he's just being inconsiderate and kind of selfish in a way. But about the attention and innitating more interaction... I do innitate A LOT. That's the problem. He's too busy playing his stupid game to care, so I just feel stupid trying at that point. Also, this is NOT like he does this all the time or something. It's just that these two or three things were all in a matter of about a week and I'm like WTF is wrong with you? but maybe I'm overreacting. I dont know. We've been together 6 months now, and this is my first real serious relationship, so I'm just not really used to what's normal and what's not. |
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 213 (08/26/2008 3:22 PM) |
EJFiederer wrote: I mean, it's not like I'm irritated to the point of not wanting to be with him or something, I'm just annoyed by this. I think when you love someone and want it to work, you let stupid childish things like this go. I'm not going to like, break up with him because he doesn't pay attention to me 24/7/365. I don't expect him to. It's just these certain situations were sort of uncool of him. It's stupid things like people letting the little things keep them apart that make divorce so common these days. Everyone just gives up on each other over stupid shit. I'm just not sure if this is worth bringing up at this point and came here to see if I'm crazy or if it's a common thing. |
||
PinkynStinky4 |
|||
|
Posts: 934 (08/26/2008 3:24 PM) |
I don't think he sounds like a jerk or being purposely insensitive (well, except for the Xbox thing
Hope it all goes well and works out!
|
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 214 (08/26/2008 3:27 PM) |
PinkynStinky4 wrote:I'm just worried I'm going to make him feel like shit if I point out all these minor little things he did or didn't do that hurt my feelings or whatever. When he wasn't going to come over that night, I explained the whole idea that the little things matter to me and this was one of them, and he said he didn't know and that I was making him out to be a douchebag boyfriend or something when he was never trying to hurt me in the first place. That he didn't know it was such a big deal and once he did, he decided to come over. So I don't want make him feel like a dick when he isnt, and guilt trip him. In conclusion, I dont really know how to bring it up without making it seem like a huge deal even though it really isn't. Like, I'm irritated, but I'm not MAD at him or like crying over it. For the most part, he ALWAYS ALWAYS calls when he says he is going to, he NEVER breaks plans with me, always plans ahead with me and makes time, suprises me with stuff, etc. etc. Maybe I just shouldn't let a few little things bother me. Yes? No? |
||
EJFiederer |
|||
|
Posts: 8869 (08/26/2008 3:28 PM) |
towerOVERme wrote:It's not even the little things that I'm focusing on here. What bothers me the most is that when you were trying to sleep he could have cared less about you and what you needed. That is the kind of care and concern that anyone should want need and expect in a relationship. If it was just this time then fine, but if it keeps happening...it's trouble! |
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 215 (08/26/2008 3:31 PM) |
EJFiederer wrote: Definitely. And yes it's just been this one time. So... I guess we'll see what happens. I know I probably won't be making an attempt to sleep over there on nights when I have class in the morning. Which kind of sucks because we both have Monday nights off. But I don't wanna boss him around or anything either just because I have to wake up, ya know? I know this time he invited me there, but maybe I'll just make sure to stay home those nights. |
||
AlfTheGreat |
|||
|
Posts: 29561 (08/26/2008 3:31 PM) |
Everyone in your life is going to annoy you at some people. Its part of being a human.
|
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 216 (08/26/2008 3:33 PM) |
AlfTheGreat wrote: That's another thing I definitely thought of. I mean, no one is perfect. He is damn near close though, this is the first thing/problem we've/I've ever had. There are way bigger problems we could be having. I guess I'm just curious... people who are in serious relationships, does this kinda thing happen from time to time for you too? Especially with stupid Xbox... I know a lot of guys who are seriously addicted. Thankfully my BF only plays once in a while, it's not a HUGE thing in his life or anything. |
||
AlfTheGreat |
|||
|
Posts: 29562 (08/26/2008 3:37 PM) |
towerOVERme wrote: Dude, of course. It happens to people who aren't in relationships. People do things that will irritate you. Just because someone is being frickin annoying doesn't mean he/she doesn't care about you. I care about my sister, obviously, but I drive her batty sometimes. |
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 217 (08/26/2008 3:38 PM) |
Yeah. I wouldn't consider this a huge deal. Again, just kind of an irritation that's bigger than normal today.
|
||
hithisisnotyou |
|||
|
Posts: 89 (08/26/2008 3:55 PM) |
I just have to comment on this because I dealt with something like this a few years ago. I was so in love with this guy -- and he used to do the same thing to
me. He would play video games with his friends -- leave me out in the living room to try and sleep. Go to bars and make me stay up all night worrying because
everyone who he drove with was drinking. Come to find out-- when he started treating me that way was when he was messing around. I don't believe in being
inconsiderate to people who you care about. Reading what you wrote reminded me of those times where I put everything into someone else, only to be ditched and
cheated on. Granted-- still happens sometimes with my fiance, but nothing like what I went through before. Its hard to say whether you should bring it up, but
I do think that if it continues, you need to voice your feelings - or you will continue to get run over by him.
|
||
Momobobo |
|||
|
Posts: 9056 (08/26/2008 4:00 PM) |
I don't see the big deal about what he did either times. It's annoying yes, but taking you for granted? wtf?
Going to bars leaving you at home alone is much different than asking you to come over and end up playing xbox. |
||
OhManImScrewed |
|||
|
Posts: 12659 (08/26/2008 4:05 PM) |
Guys don't get that it's just the little things that matter so much. I am having the same problem right now. I just want to talk to him a few times a
day (even if it's just a quick text), and have him say good night to me. I try bringing it up rationally and calmly but it ALWAYS turns into an argument
because he trivializes everything I bring up saying it's "not that big a deal" because he doesn't understand that the little things are
important.
In the big picture, it isn't that big of a deal. But, when it happens repeatedly it gets under your skin and I think it's better to say something than not. Letting things like that fester under the surface never turns out well. |
||
EJFiederer |
|||
|
Posts: 8872 (08/26/2008 4:13 PM) |
I really don't think it matters what any of us think about what he did. Look, I'm married and have been for 11 years. My husband does his thing and I
do mine in the house many nights. I'm fine with it and so is he. You clearly are not. It is on your mind and bothering you. You can't ask people if you
should be upset or not and if they say "NO" just turn it off like that. What is okay for me might not work for you. I just don't know how you
will deal with it throughout the relationship if it bothers you now. There are so many stressers in a relationship and if he is not aware of "the little
things" that bother you now you have got to tell him if you truely do have hopes of a future rather then think you can change him or worry that he will do
it again.
|
||
OhManImScrewed |
|||
|
Posts: 12660 (08/26/2008 4:17 PM) |
EJFiederer wrote:So, if you love them, but it's little things that bother you like this... are you settling if you stay because you don't want to make a big deal out of it? And suppressing that feeling of hurt? |
||
towerOVERme |
|||
|
Posts: 218 (08/26/2008 4:19 PM) |
I'm definitely more than okay with us each doing our own thing in the house/apartment when we're together. I don't expect him to hang out
exclusively with me just because I may be there. This was just kind of different because my first day of class was this morning at 8AM, and even after I said I
couldn't fall asleep he didn't seem to really care. I mean, he sympathized with me, "I'm sorry you cant sleep", blah blah blah... but
didn't do anything to help, like maybe turn off the WAR game that was blasting through the apartment til 4am.
If little things like this continue to happen I have no problem bringing it up.. I just don't want to jump the gun and seem like a desperate needy girlfriend over something that was unintentional. I was just looking here to see if I am crazy for being annoyed in the first place, and how others would feel. I would never take someone's response on here and run with it and lead my decisions in my relationship by it. It's just for discussion/venting purposes. |
||


. Also, if you wanted more attention, why don't you initiate
more interaction?
