Whether you're the type to be offended or not, do you think that one more social roommate has a right to be upset by another roomie not wanting to be all joined at the hip or not?
I just want to figure out if this is a common thing.
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Dylishis |
Roommate question. Be honest! |
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Posts: 33074 (10/09/2008 7:43 PM) Most Outspoken '08 |
Are you the type of person that would be personally offended by a loner? If you lived with someone that preferred spending more time alone than with you, would
you just accept that as them being who they are or would that annoy/upset you?
Whether you're the type to be offended or not, do you think that one more social roommate has a right to be upset by another roomie not wanting to be all joined at the hip or not? I just want to figure out if this is a common thing. |
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Mistress Darcy |
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Posts: 5335 (10/09/2008 7:45 PM) |
I am a loner and I have NO IDEA why so many girls fly into roomie situations and automatically think it means some sort of bestie joined at the hip situation.
I routinely have no idea where my roommates are because we do not have that type of living situation. We do our own thing and happen to share a fridge. Yet,
people on here have chastised me for that
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Smallville78 |
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Posts: 5674 (10/09/2008 7:45 PM) |
no because i am one lol i like being alone that is why i could never live with someone i hate people that are all talky and shit, just leave me alone lol
nothing wrong with being a loner although some people thing it is weird
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sarasum41chasez |
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Posts: 10703 (10/09/2008 7:47 PM) |
I don't think that if there is a problem about you being a loner, it should be brought up at that point. Perhaps you should explain to her that when
living with you, you're likely going to be spending a lot of time alone and that it isn't any reflection on her.
I'm pretty reclusive, and my roommate is as well. She goes back to see her boyfriend every Thursday and comes back on Monday night. It annoys me only because I'm lonely, which is not something I'm used to being upset about. |
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ImCuterThanYou |
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Posts: 12639 (10/09/2008 7:49 PM) |
My roommate is more of a loner, but he does a good job balancing that with the fact that I am not always a loner and that I do want to hang out with him. I try
to balance it as well. He's more of a homebody than a loner even, he prefers to stay home. So we have movie night like once a week where we just hang out
and watch movies at home. A lot of the time though it's hard to drag him out of the house.
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Samantha James |
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Posts: 4266 (10/09/2008 7:50 PM) |
I'm an intro-intro-introvert. If I had a loner as a roomate, I would love her.
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Dylishis |
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Posts: 33076 (10/09/2008 7:53 PM) Most Outspoken '08 |
I used to live in an apartment with 3 other girls. At first everything was great, we went out every weekend...watched movies together and all of that.
Everything all went downhill this one weekend (Homecoming weekend actually) when I opted to stay in my room and play Sims 2 for hours. Things were never the
same after that!
I knew them from freshman year when we all lived on the same floor. They ALWAYS had people in and out of their rooms and I never entertained guests in mine. They were just social like that. It's fine. I hung out in other people's rooms a lot but... no. I can't live like that. I need to be able to sneak away, decompress, blast my headphones in my ear and zone out. I never realized people could take that so personally. Then again, I was living with a wicked witch with what I soon realized were out of control delusions of grandeur. Needless to say, I was totally jaded and had a massive case of battle fatigue after living with them. I swore I'd never live with another human soul until I married. |
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JtzCrunkster81 |
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Posts: 13755 (10/09/2008 7:54 PM) |
UGHHHH I have to retype this stupid shit.
My roomie isn't here all that often. We talk occasionally. My roommate isn't the type of person I'd want to be best friends with either. But I wouldn't mind having a roommate that I was super tight with. |
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Dylishis |
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Posts: 33077 (10/09/2008 7:54 PM) Most Outspoken '08 |
Samantha James wrote:Someone posted this really awesome thing about introverts a while back. I have it on my myspace. Let me get it. lol I'm totally not shy or anything like that. I never realized that I could be considered an 'introvert' but after reading THAT thing, I totally am. |
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SparklyBlonde |
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Posts: 25931 (10/09/2008 7:56 PM) |
I don't see anything wrong with it. Actually, I prefer someone like that as a roommate to a person who's always in my business asking me to do things.
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Dylishis |
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Posts: 33078 (10/09/2008 7:57 PM) Most Outspoken '08 |
Here's the introvert article.
http://www.learningplaceo...ends/caring-introvert.htm
Caring for Your Introvert By Jonathan Rauch, The Atlantic Online,Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out? If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands-and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world. I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert. Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs. What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring. Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay-in small doses." How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or-my favorite-"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population." Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping. Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics-Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon-is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics. Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.) With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"-narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty. Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so. The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books-written, no doubt, by extroverts-regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush." How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation. Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?" Third, don't say anything else, either. |
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lilSS |
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Posts: 9601 (10/09/2008 8:03 PM) |
If I had to have a roommate, I would definitely prefer someone who would rather spend time by themselves! Im an introvert and prefer to be left alone anyone,
so it would definitely work for me.
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Dylishis |
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Posts: 33079 (10/09/2008 8:07 PM) Most Outspoken '08 |
It was definitely a learning experience. I feel like I'm ready to venture out into 'other people' again.
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Jenna1983 |
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Posts: 17780 (10/09/2008 8:08 PM) |
See, I generally think that I can be an introvert and extrovert depending on my mood. I don't know if I could live with many of my friends though.
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ZaZzified |
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Posts: 136584 (10/09/2008 8:11 PM) Most Likely to be Online '07
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I don't think the social roommate has any room to be offended. I'm like that, because I just have too much school crap to do so I don't have a lot
of time to BS around with my roommates anymore. It's nothing against my roommates, and it'd be pretty dramatic of them to actually be offended by it.
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ojos Sara |
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Posts: 4139 (10/09/2008 8:11 PM) |
My roommate for the last two years of college was like that and I loved it. We got along just fine but she did her thing and I did mine.
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CHIPPOMAN81 |
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Posts: 14592 (10/09/2008 8:12 PM) |
Jenna1983 wrote:Thanks, bitch.
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Samantha James |
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Posts: 4268 (10/09/2008 8:16 PM) |
Dylishis wrote:- -
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simplyg |
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Posts: 13529 (10/09/2008 8:17 PM) |
lilSS wrote:Definitely. I live alone because I can't stand roommates enough as it is, let alone roommates who always feel the need to try to eat meals with you and stuff. As if you're family. |
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jazzgirl03 |
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Posts: 1292 (10/09/2008 8:17 PM) |
Interesting question. I'm fairly introverted myself. I currently live with my boyfriend and he's quite talkative. It doesn't bother me at all, he
makes me feel comfortable. I am more social when I am with him.
The best roommates I have had kept to themselves and lived their own life. I sometimes had dinners or went to the movies with them. The worst roommates were the ones trying to be my best friend. My last roommate was nuts. She made me and our other roommate feel like crap. She was horribly negative and was no fun to hang out with. |
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MissDivaDoll |
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Posts: 16112 (10/09/2008 8:18 PM) |
Nah, I do my own thing all the time. I've actually gone out with one of my roommates ONCE. Other than that, I'm on my own schedule and do my own shit.
However, I don't recommend living with a friend, especially not one of 11 years if you value your friendship. But that's just me. |
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