So my mom is dating "the perfect guy"...

RSS
Email

0 Suckage Meter

Started By	Comment
blackcherry	So my mom is dating "the perfect guy"...	Lead	[-]
Posts: 391 (10/04/2009 7:27 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Except he's MARRIED. They are both so into each other, she wants me to meet him. I just think it's a bad idea (me meeting him and them together). She thinks they met b/c of like, cosmic forces. I have to admit, they are so perfect for each other. They have a ridiculous amount of things in common (more then the whole "We like the same kind of wine" thing) but I feel that it's just not going to work out in her, or "their", favor. Married guy? PLEASE! He has no issues with taking her out in public, or any of the classic "married men" symptoms. Apparently she cheated on him and their marriage has been over for 10 years. But, how do you tell YOUR MOTHER that she's doing the wrong thing? She's fallen into the whole "He hasn't has sex in 10 years, he's not a sex person" and "His wife doesn't appreciate him" thing. She's has her heart broken once in the past year, I just think this new guy is going to do it again...
forever121young		#1	[-]
Posts: 12094 (10/04/2009 7:28 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Do he and his wife have an "open" relationship or is this on the dl?
Sunshine4		#2	[-]
Posts: 21810 (10/04/2009 7:29 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Great. What a sticky situation.
JulieAnne20		#3	[-]
Posts: 36705 (10/04/2009 7:29 PM) Best Debater '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	"He hasn't has sex in 10 years, he's not a sex person" Your mom believes this?
MichaelScottPaperCompany		#4	[-]
Posts: 1922 (10/04/2009 7:30 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	If his marriage has been "over" for 10 years, why doesn't he get a divorce?
blackcherry		#5	[-]
Posts: 392 (10/04/2009 7:39 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Dude, EXACTLY. If your marriage is over and your wife is cheating on you, why don't you peace out? He said it's b/c of financial reasons and she had a lot to do with their children's success. He hasn't made any advances on her, but I'm still mad skeptical. It's a partial open relationship, meaning she's been with several men over a number of years. I'm just weird b/c I can't understand these situations. Edit: He can stand on his own and she can stand her own, but he wants to make sure they are both okay financially before he leaves her. Weird, right? He told my mom it was going to take 2-3 years. I told her that waiting for ANYBODY (married or not) for that long, isn't worth it. I know I might be wrong, but what happens if she waits and nothing happens? He's calling and E-mailing every day. She needs somebody and he's become that person that called at 10am to see how the day is. She's eating it up. Just worried. Edited By: blackcherry 10/04/2009 7:42 PM. Edited 1 times.
FunSized		#6	[-]
Posts: 2678 (10/04/2009 7:39 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I wouldn't meet him. Think about this in retrospect: If you brought home a married guy, wouldn't your mom be upset with you? It doesn't matter how she's trying to justify her relationship; dating a married guy is wrong, and it's pretty obvious that she's just setting herself up to be used.
blackcherry		#7	[-]
Posts: 393 (10/04/2009 7:46 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	The only thing in his favor is that he shows up on an internet search. I probably know more about the man then he could ever tell me! I don't want to walk into this "meeting" as the chick that is protecting her mother, you know? He is a fairly public person, as is his wife. I just don't get staying in marriage if it's not working out. I know JJB could tell me different. People have stories, I know a lot of people that are in marriages that don't work out, but stay. I just don't know WHY they stay. Everybody seems to think they OWE something. I don't want my mother thinking she is the woman that can turn this guy around. I don't want her thinking she can make this guy finally get his divorce. They did meet on a dating website, if that makes any difference.
VelvetRope11		#8	[-]
Posts: 31992 (10/04/2009 7:57 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I wouldn't meet him. No one is perfect if they're still married. If he's willing to walk around with the "married" label, but still date other women openly...is he really going to be faithful to your mother?
blackcherry		#9	[-]
Posts: 397 (10/04/2009 8:03 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	VelvetRope11 wrote: I wouldn't meet him. No one is perfect if they're still married. If he's willing to walk around with the "married" label, but still date other women openly...is he really going to be faithful to your mother? He doesn't wear a ring, which is the first thing I told her when she went to meet him. Look for the ring. I agree, how faithful could he be to her? I just don't know if this is different circumstances or what? My mom is a crazy independent person. I think that's part of her charm. He did tell her it would take him 2-3 years in order for him to be financially secure and get out of his marriage. I said screw that, 2-3 is a LONG TIME to wait. She's just so smitten. She told me I can't tell my brothers, which is a total red flag. She's also been going into the garage to talk to her friends on the phone, which she has never done. It means she's hiding something. That's fine, she doesn't want to tell me. When it comes to relationships, there are parts that need to be secret (esp. from your kids, no matter how good of friends you are). I just think it's more serious then she is letting on and I dealt with the last break-up. I'm not even being selfish when I say, I don't know if I can go through another one. I'm trying to be a friend and a daughter in this case and it's so not working out!
kariya the dog		#10	[-]
Posts: 9431 (10/04/2009 8:05 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I don't get staying in a marriage as falling apart but I do know that a lot of divorces are not as simple as black and white. I know someone who has been working towards a divorce for years. Could he have simply signed papers? Yea. But he would've lost everything he had, including his children. His wife doesn't work and he is the sole provider for his family and he works all sorts of extra jobs to provide for his kids and unfortunately his wife who goes off and spends all the money. But if he got divorced earlier, his kids would've went with their mom because he wasn't home enough to spend time with them while they were 11/12 years old. He would've lost his house because his wife would've needed a place to stay while she took care of them. His vehicles would've went to her, so she could take the kids wherever they wanted. So he's stuck it out until now, when his kids are 16/17 years old and old enough to decide who they want to live with and old enough to get around on their own and now he's slowly cutting her out of the picture. So like I said I don't get it really, but in cases like this, it's not always that easy. And no, I'm not comparing your situation to my friends. He could simply be a lying cheating dog. 'm just stating there's not always a clear black and white picture.
multiplescreennamesfreak		#11	[-]
Posts: 80 (10/04/2009 8:07 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	2-3 years to be financially stable when he "checked out" of his marriage emotionally 10 years ago? what the f*ck has he been doing the last 10 years in terms of financials? one would think if he was serious he would have been trying to put $5, $10 a week aside or something. Not buying it.
terpgirl		#12	[-]
Posts: 637 (10/04/2009 8:09 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	2-3 YEARS? Geez. That's so long, and no man is worth that. Your mom should tell him to call her in 2-3 yrs when he's finally divorced and she can continue meeting others in the meantime.
Pliant Pineapple		#13	[-]
Posts: 46889 (10/04/2009 8:13 PM) Funniest JJBer '06 JJBer of the Year '07 Funniest JJBer '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Apparently she cheated on him and their marriage has been over for 10 years. But, how do you tell YOUR MOTHER that she's doing the wrong thing? She's fallen into the whole "He hasn't has sex in 10 years, he's not a sex person" and "His wife doesn't appreciate him" thing. He did tell her it would take him 2-3 years in order for him to be financially secure and get out of his marriage. Oh dear. Those are absolutely textbook married man lies to get a woman to sleep with them while they have ZERO intention of getting divorced. Hope your mom will see the light sooner rather than later.
99thdegree		#14	[-]
Posts: 29463 (10/04/2009 8:19 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	He sounds shady. So its basically going to take him 12-13 years beyond when he's claiming his marriage dissolved for him to get an actual divorce? I don't think I'd be rooting for my Mom to hang around a married guy for a few years hoping he finally gets divorced. If he hasn't done it in the last 10 years then I don't see why he'd do it in two more.
blackcherry		#15	[-]
Posts: 402 (10/04/2009 8:28 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	99thdegree wrote: He sounds shady. So its basically going to take him 12-13 years beyond when he's claiming his marriage dissolved for him to get an actual divorce? I don't think I'd be rooting for my Mom to hang around a married guy for a few years hoping he finally gets divorced. If he hasn't done it in the last 10 years then I don't see why he'd do it in two more. I totally agree! We had the entire "cheating" conversation as a family a few months ago. My brother's g/f cheated on him a few months ago. After a few drinks he decided to air his dirty laundry to the family. My mom AGREED with him to take her back! I was the only person at the table saying "WTF?!" I know my mom won't sleep with him (it's gross, I know, but I know her sexual history) but I know she WILL get emotionally invested in this guy. There's ALWAYS excuses for cheating. I dated a cheater, so I'm not "dumb" to the stories. The only thing this guy has is that he's a public figure. I just don't want my mama dating a married man! I feel bad b/c I think she might really like him. I just don't feel like it's my place to say "you're a freaking dumbass" to my mom!
Froggy86		#16	[-]
Posts: 10648 (10/04/2009 8:32 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	This reminds me of an epiosd of the Golden Girls. Well in it, Dorothy dates a married man, who promises her he will leave his wife, but he can't do it. They meet secretly in hotel rooms, he swears he loves her and she finally breaks it off when she realizes he won't leave his wife. Your Mom needs to watch that episode perhaps
Pliant Pineapple		#17	[-]
Posts: 46890 (10/04/2009 8:37 PM) Funniest JJBer '06 JJBer of the Year '07 Funniest JJBer '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I just don't feel like it's my place to say "you're a freaking dumbass" to my mom! Unfortunately it's something she'll have to see for herself.
blackcherry		#18	[-]
Posts: 403 (10/04/2009 8:44 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	kariya the dog wrote: I don't get staying in a marriage as falling apart but I do know that a lot of divorces are not as simple as black and white. I know someone who has been working towards a divorce for years. Could he have simply signed papers? Yea. But he would've lost everything he had, including his children. His wife doesn't work and he is the sole provider for his family and he works all sorts of extra jobs to provide for his kids and unfortunately his wife who goes off and spends all the money. But if he got divorced earlier, his kids would've went with their mom because he wasn't home enough to spend time with them while they were 11/12 years old. He would've lost his house because his wife would've needed a place to stay while she took care of them. His vehicles would've went to her, so she could take the kids wherever they wanted. So he's stuck it out until now, when his kids are 16/17 years old and old enough to decide who they want to live with and old enough to get around on their own and now he's slowly cutting her out of the picture. So like I said I don't get it really, but in cases like this, it's not always that easy. And no, I'm not comparing your situation to my friends. He could simply be a lying cheating dog. 'm just stating there's not always a clear black and white picture. I know somebody EXACTLY like that. He knew he would have to give up a lot, and KNEW she would be getting GREAT alimony if he left. So he didn't. They both maintain their lifestyle, sleep in different rooms and nobody knows! His lawyer told him he would have to "sacrifice" a lot more money if he left the marriage then if he didn't. I just can't deal with cheating...either way. If my spouse cheated on me (which is where this new "boyfriend" is coming from, except with his wife) I'd peace out. I'm sorry, I don't do cheaters. I don't care if a woman sucked your dick, has sex with you, etc...I would leave. There's no excuse in my book. I will live in a tailor park with our children if it comes to that. I cannot handle cheaters. And if I cheated on MY spouse? I would be smart enough to know that it's not working out. I am on my high horse (at least I can recognize it!) It might seem far-fetched, but I just don't agree with cheating either way. If I cheated on my spouse, it would be over. If my spouse cheated on me, it would be over. A lot of people think that counseling can solved those issues...I don't know. All I know, is if this man is telling my mom to "wait" 2-3 years...I want to scream NO! YOU FREAKING IDIOT! But, tell me how to say that nicely! LOVE YOU JJB! You're always good in a stitch!
umjustine.anarbor		#19	[-]
Posts: 166 (10/04/2009 8:47 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	My best friends mom is dating a married man. They are both (the husband and wife) have alot of money they built a HUGE mansion on a ton of land about ten years ago they have three grown children and they are both completely ok with eachother dating other people. They are very much into society and on a million boards and run a ton of things...cocktail parties 3 nights a week big fancy dinners with a ton of people all the time and they think "staying together" and keeping up appearences is more important than ruining everything they worked for wether or not its the right way to think alot of people they associate with in their life style wouldnt take the wife seriously because shes a woman and wouldnt take him seriously if he couldnt keep his wife. My friends mom is happier than shes ever been and he is AMAZING to everyone ... he helps them with everything from homework, college, paperwork, emotional support, and tons of money. He gave her a mercedes for her 18th birthday and their lives have never been better hes a great father figure to the kids I think if your mom knows and is okay with it and his wife knows and is ok with it there shouldnt be a problem. You should be happy if she is happy and if he is good to her.
blackcherry		#20	[-]
Posts: 404 (10/04/2009 9:06 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	umjustine wrote: My best friends mom is dating a married man. They are both (the husband and wife) have alot of money they built a HUGE mansion on a ton of land about ten years ago they have three grown children and they are both completely ok with eachother dating other people. They are very much into society and on a million boards and run a ton of things...cocktail parties 3 nights a week big fancy dinners with a ton of people all the time and they think "staying together" and keeping up appearences is more important than ruining everything they worked for wether or not its the right way to think alot of people they associate with in their life style wouldnt take the wife seriously because shes a woman and wouldnt take him seriously if he couldnt keep his wife. My friends mom is happier than shes ever been and he is AMAZING to everyone ... he helps them with everything from homework, college, paperwork, emotional support, and tons of money. He gave her a mercedes for her 18th birthday and their lives have never been better hes a great father figure to the kids I think if your mom knows and is okay with it and his wife knows and is ok with it there shouldnt be a problem. You should be happy if she is happy and if he is good to her. I think a lot of people that post on JJB want approval. I can't lie, I want it. In the same respect, I don't. I knew if I came here, I'd get the best of both worlds. Thank you for showing me other side. I know that "keeping up appearances" is a big deal in this man's life. He says he takes his wife to "functions" but they don't speak and it wouldn't matter who is on his arm. Her last boyfriend was WONDERFUL to our family. He stepped in and took the fatherly role. He helped us move into college, when my brothers got into car accidents...etc...he did turn out to be a complete ass, which was her first heartbeak. Seeing her go through that, I don't think I ever want to see again. I haven't grown up in that kind of world - the whole keeping up appearances kind of world. My mother has finally reached that aspect of her life. She's just ridiculously humble in the fact that she doesn't realize how powerful she is in her position of work. I know the kind of man she needs. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm her kid. I know my dad, I know her past boyfriends, and I feel that I have adequate knowledge to know the kind of man that will make her happy. I always told her she needs a man that doesn't have dirt under his nails, she still can't grasp that concept. It's a metaphor in my book, in hers, she literally looks at the man's nails, you have to laugh! I am happy if she is happy, I just don't know this man's plans for the future. I know my mom is desperately seeking somebody. I'm so scared she'll fall into this trap and won't be able to get out.

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Add Reply

Yuku free message boards

So my mom is dating "the perfect guy"...

So my mom is dating "the perfect guy"...