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 stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 399 (10/10/2009 12:56 PM) |
DarthRedimo Choose to be straight so you aren't attracted to women anymore.
^ LOL This probably would have been a much easier road for me, because I can't fall in love with men, therefore they would have never been able to hurt me. |
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ipodconga |
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Posts: 15209 (10/10/2009 12:57 PM) |
Third feminine lesbian chiming in
It sounds like she's pretty set in her ways. You were together for 8 years. You put up with a lot from her. You expressed discontentment with how she never stood up for you with her friends. To steal from Maroon 5, love isn't always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise. You sometimes have to alter some of your habits/ways for the person you love and respect what they want. You weren't asking for anything unreasonable, just for her to stick up for you & your relationship. Have you tried meeting other women? I know it's difficult being a lesbian AND being picky. Where I live, there are slim pickings for single lesbians, so it'd be easier if I wasn't so narrow about what I want (skinny, feminine, non-smoker, well-educated with an interesting career, sweethearted, around my age), but it's also worth it when you meet someone who fits those criteria. Not worth settling just because you can because you'll never be fully happy and won't put your entire heart into it, which in turn will mean she won't be fully happy. Love is worth waiting for. I know you love her, but she's had a lot of time to change, but hasn't. It can also be fun to get to know another person, learn about their likes/interests/personality, and fall in love again, complete with the blissful/euphoric stages of an early relationship. 
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 400 (10/10/2009 12:58 PM) |
You guys aren't going to let me live down typing the wrong year are ya?? LoL
Thanks ScarletOWhora85...yeah it sucks. |
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 401 (10/10/2009 2:21 PM) |
ipodconga thanks for chiming in...I find it necessary to make it known that I'm not just any old lesbian, but that I'm a feminine one! lol I'm not
sure why that is. I guess because I feel people will automatically think I'm a dyke, which there's nothing wrong with that, but it's just not me.
Sorry, i'll get back on topic...
You make some really good points. Yes, she's had a lot of time to be more compromising. She's been in therapy for two years, and she says she's working on being more assertive with people. When I communicate with her she seems to have a much different outlook on relationships and people albeit not that great. She seems to feel everyone is manipulating, and views most anything as a red flag with people she's dated. Even knowing that I would still try to work things out with her if she wanted, but I'd probably be setting myself up for failure at this point. I don't know, maybe if she wouldn't be so extreme. I wish I could just fall out of love with her quite honestly. I have tried to meet other women. I went on Match, though I didn't put my picture up, because I work for a high school, and those teenagers are very internet savvy. I usually reroute ppl to my facebook, but like you said I'm a little on the picky side. I met a girl from Scotland of all places, she kept writing me, and she was nice, though it didn't work. She was just too far, and the second time we saw each other I realized she wasn't the person I wanted to be with. It's really hard to get to know someone who lives across the world from you as you can imagine. You're right it can be fun to get to know other women. Though on many occasions I've felt happy to be on my own. I should embrace my freedom, it's been awhile. Thank you for your advice!
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 402 (10/10/2009 3:03 PM) |
^ done, thanks for mentioning that
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 jawnyquest.niketalk |
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Posts: 2147 (10/10/2009 3:16 PM) Best Use of Emoticon award '09
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..if you need someone to help you get over her with.. i'm here
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 403 (10/10/2009 3:27 PM) |
^ haaaa lol!!
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DirrtySteph |
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Posts: 1289 (10/11/2009 10:36 AM) |
DarthRedimo wrote:Oh fuck off ass wipe! Like straight relationships DONT have problems. stinkbuttt wrote:I am feminine myself and have never dated a feminine lady. Both GFs i had (and still have the second one today) are tomboys. Im really sorry for what you went through. For some reason, it reminds me a bit of the relationship i had with my ex. Everything was pink and perfect at first. Even though she was still living with her ex (which was the beginning of the problems, she was with her for 2years) but her ex didnt know anything about it and hoped to get back with her sometime later. My ex then started acting funny after only 2 months, and thats when the friends came in aswell. She also never stood up for our relationship when it came to her parents. Anyway, this has got nothing to do with my situation, but just to explain to you that when you feel something is wrong, something is not right, someone asks you to wait and work on the relationship on the side (sort your life out first and then try another relationship) i dont think it is right. I know you love someone sometimes and even though you know its toxic and unhealthy and depresses you, your relationship is turning into a very thin thread and you try to hold on to the happy moments and pleasures. But you need to realize that there is someone outside that is WAITING for you to come round. Someone who's gonna accept you how you are. Every piece of your personality and inch of your skin. I am overweight and my gf loves every bit of it! she's like 'more to cuddle' haha cute but there's a lid for every pot. And you need to understand that you've been trying to work on this relationship for 8 years and you know what? I think you wasted half of that time of your life... You'll have learned your lesson (everything happens for a reason) and should move on. I know it is hard, and even though my very first love was a young man (took me 2 years to get over him, i was in a terrible state), lesbian relationships are much more deeper, but also much more complicated. At least this is the experience *i* have had. Straight people just take ANYone.. until they find out they're not made for each other and just break up. WE (apart from Shane from L Word lol) take our time choosing the right person. It is hard to explain, but i am sure (and hope) any lesbian here understands what i mean! I agree with that some people say, you need to let go and meet new people. stinkbuttt wrote:I dont think you should date anyone at the moment. You are in a phase where you still think and love your ex. This was the problem i had with MY ex. She never admitted it but she was jealous of the girl her ex dated, she couldnt stand her. Her ex even cooked for the new girl once and.... believe it or not (and she was 25 at the time!) she put washing up liquid in the food. She kept going back to her flat where her ex still lived and stuff. N-E-V-E-R EVER date someone who still has their ex in their life. This is the lesson i've learned from my past relationships. Because two things will happen then (and im talking for the new girl) : you might not know about it, but you will use that to get over your ex and then find out that you dont feel anything (anymore) for your new gf and dump her. Or you will end up with your ex again. Just try to meed new people and dont keep in touch with your ex. You need to sort your life out. I know you believe you wont love someone like this anymore, but when you will fall in love with someone new you will notice how unhealthy your past relationship was and that you can love again. Dont be afraid of that.
Sorry for the novel haha. |
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 409 (10/11/2009 6:54 PM) |
Thank you so much steph for sharing your experience, and your advice, I really appreciate it. I'm going to have to let your words marinate in my head. i
know you're right, I have to move on. I did waste part of my life trying, and trying to work things out, and nothing, it got me nowhere. So, why would I
want to continue wasting my time on this? It's like I play tug of war with myself, but the bad outweighs the good. I know I need to keep away. Before I
read this I was going to write her back, but now I'm not. I'm going to put as much distance as I can between us, and see if I can heal. I don't
think I've given myself a chance to really heal. I mean I've come some way, at least it doesn't take me a bottle wine to fall asleep anymore. I
only have one dilemma, and that's my birthday Oct 16th. I know she will send me a card in the mail, and I'll feel obligated to thank her for it...ughh
I'm glad you found someone that loves you for you, we all deserve to find happiness. I do hope there is someone waiting there for me. I don't really want to be single forever. In late November I'm supposed to attend a speed dating event. I don't know if I'll go just yet, depends on how I'm feeling. I think you're right I shouldn't start dating just yet. You've helped me a lot...Thank you! Mara |
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 411 (10/16/2009 12:10 PM) |
I knew my ex would send me something for my bday. She sent me a beautiful necklace with all these hearts on it. She said the color of the necklace would bring
me good luck too. I called her to thank her, and left a message on her machine, and then I cried on her machine too!! I didn't mean to I just did. Anyway,
she hasn't responded to my voicemail or my email. I think it's a hard day for her too, and she doesn't want to get all emotional about it. It's
soooo draining. I wish I hadn't even called her phone, or written her a thank you email
 I wish it weren't my damn birthday!!
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 412 (10/16/2009 12:11 PM) |
I'm already drinking a glass of wine, and it's only 10am L.A. time!
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 413 (10/17/2009 3:12 PM) |
Well, heard from the ex, and she said she's dating someone...a GUY! It's a guy who was her friend a long time ago. He lives in another country, but is
coming back to stay in L.A. She says she's hoping that he will come back more for his family rather than her. Apparently, she feels numb with women, and
knows that she can't fall in love with men, but feels he's nice to her, but that she still loves me. I'm so over this. It was really hard for me. I
wish I hadn't spoken to her on my birthday, it really fucked up my day. Although, I made a promise to myself...I'll never try to work on having a
friendship with her. She's called me several time, and I won't take her call. My heart has been broken so many times over with this woman. It's
beyond me why she tells me she loves me, and sent me such a nice gift. In some way I feel for the guy she's with, because she's just using him.
Edited By: stinkbuttt
10/17/2009 3:15 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 413 (10/17/2009 3:12 PM) |
Well, heard from the ex, and she said she's dating someone...a GUY! It's a guy who was her friend a long time ago. He lives in another country, but is
coming back to stay in L.A. She says she's hoping that he will come back more for his family rather than her. Apparently, she feels numb with women, and
knows that she can't fall in love with men, but feels he's nice to her, but that she still loves me. I'm so over this. It was really hard for me. I
wish I hadn't spoken to her on my birthday, it really fucked up my day. Although, I made a promise to myself...I'll never try to work on having a
friendship with her. She's called me several time, and I won't take her call. My heart has been broken so many times over with this women. It's
beyond me why she tells me she loves me, and sent me such a nice gift. In some way I feel for the guy she's with, because she's just using him.
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merchasa |
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Posts: 2350 (10/17/2009 4:55 PM) |
I would urge you to give to YOURSELF the love, attention, worry, and understanding that you are projecting on her. See it as dating yourself. That will help
you over the hump of the pain of this. Focus on YOU, since she isn't.
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Pliant Pineapple |
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Posts: 47154 (10/17/2009 5:25 PM) Funniest JJBer '06
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merchasa wrote: This, many bunches of times over. 
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 418 (10/17/2009 6:12 PM) |
^thank you. I know you're right. I've spent most of my day crying, and drinking, and I still can't escape this pain. We both hold on to each other
in this crazy way, and I'm not participating in it anymore. I wish I could say that I can treat myself to something nice today, but I just feel like crying
my eyes out, and escaping with alcohol
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stinkbuttt |
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Posts: 423 (10/20/2009 1:17 AM) |
Feeling much better knowing she can't get in touch with me anymore. I'm keeping busy, and smiling again. Thank you to all for the great advice
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