Lory R wrote:i will think hard about this. we weren't planing on getting married right away. but i do understand what you mean. it is scary. i have always been told by everyone i am mature for my age. Yes, i know this reallys seems to contradict that. It's just i have suffered a lot in life. sometimes we look for solutions to that in others. I made sure that he was not just a solution. I made sure i really loved him and knew who he was. this is why i want to wait to get married though. to make sure we can grow and change together.
stormgurl10 wrote:
Lory R wrote:i see your point. i think you are right. people do rush these things a lot now.
18 IMO is way too young. You don't even really know what you want at 18. You might THINK you do, but trust me, you don't. I'm watching these young girls at work get "engaged" and then they split up and they start seeing somebody else like every other week. The maturity level is just wow. One of them (she's 19) even has a baby with the guy she was "engaged" to. Now he's seeing somebody else and she's stuck with a child on her own. Just wait, no need to rush things.
I hope you really do think about this. Today's youth is rather scary. They like the idea of marriage and children. Like the girl at work with the baby. She was all excited about it. Then after it happened reality set in. It's not a toy or a game. The same thing happens with marriage. I know a young couple who got married. They are already divorced. The thing about that is, they were High School sweethearts. They both changed. Wanted different things and well, that's what happens. I'm not saying it happens with EVERYBODY because it's not true. There are a few lucky ones out there.
what do you think is to young...
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 stormgurl10 |
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Posts: 279 (10/26/2009 3:59 PM) |
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JustinRandy131 |
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Posts: 15109 (10/26/2009 4:00 PM) |
I'm 22, and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and wouldn't even consider marriage yet. I want to live with him for a little while, get ourselves
into our careers and established and see if we're still the same people we were when we got together. It's possible to grow together, but people
definitely change. I just don't understand the rush. Sure, our parents got married young but times are so different now. You aren't expected to be
settled down by mid-20s!
I consider myself to be more mature than a lot of my friends my age, so yes it might depend on maturity level, but I think life events matter so much more. |
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stormgurl10 |
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Posts: 280 (10/26/2009 4:01 PM) |
JustinRandy131 wrote: that is very true. |
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 HolyCannoli |
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Posts: 7240 (10/26/2009 4:01 PM) |
I agree with JustinRandy. My Grandmother is STILL badgering me about finishing college and at least start building a good, solid career before I even think
about getting marriage. On the other hand, my other Grandmother is telling me she had her third child on the way by my age.
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SelFish |
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Posts: 9273 (10/26/2009 4:02 PM) |
Everyone is different, but I don't believe you've lived enough as yourself at 18 to start living a life with someone else. Take some time and grow up a
bit. It takes more than love to make a marriage work, my friend.
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Jess116005 |
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Posts: 23237 (10/26/2009 4:03 PM) |
How long have you guys been together?
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stormgurl10 |
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Posts: 281 (10/26/2009 4:03 PM) |
Jess116005 wrote: a year. we were best friends first. then we were more. |
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SusieMC |
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Posts: 1378 (10/26/2009 4:21 PM) |
SelFish wrote:Exactly. I am so different now then when I was 18....even so far as things that I really considered to be the core of who I was at 18 have changed. |
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lolitachic05 |
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Posts: 3862 (10/26/2009 4:21 PM) |
OhManImScrewed wrote: I think that depends on the age of the people involved. When you are over the age of 25, I think you pretty much know who you are and what you want and waht your likes/interests and dislikes are, so you may not need years of dating to figure things out. |
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westcoaster |
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Posts: 3818 (10/26/2009 4:24 PM) |
Individuals are different, but 18 would have been way too young for me. I cannot even imagine, considering how much I changed between 18 and 22. I guess I just
don't understand why people are in a hurry to get married.
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Maple Sugar |
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Posts: 290 (10/26/2009 4:25 PM) |
Be engaged all you want...it's the married thing that'll change your life! So just enjoy being 18 and 19 and 20...then maybe think about it.
I wasn't ready to be married until I was...and I was 26. |
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OhManImScrewed |
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Posts: 18099 (10/26/2009 4:26 PM) |
lolitachic05 wrote: Ehh. I see what you are saying, but I would change 25 to like, 35. I just feel that even if you know yourself, you NEED to know that other person really well, and sometimes things come out after a while that you didn't know about before. Hell, I have known my BF for almost 10 years and I still learn things about him. |
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TequilaMockingbird |
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Posts: 659 (10/26/2009 4:32 PM) |
My mom started asking me when we were going to get engaged within 6 months of me getting my high school diploma. My mom did actually get married right out of
high school but that was in 1964. Things didn't work out between them but it was due to circumstances beyond her control. Either way, I thought she was
nuts.
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noname185 |
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Posts: 652 (10/26/2009 4:35 PM) |
If you have to ask than you're probably not ready.
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NotLiza |
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Posts: 1121 (10/26/2009 4:38 PM) |
It really depends on the couple and how mature they are. But in general, I would tend to think that 18 is a bit too young. To get engaged, I personally think
that people might start to get to the right place in their life at about 21 (earliest), and that's not everyone's case.
That being said, you can be engaged for years before you actually get married. So an engagement itself isn't that big of a deal - age wise - as an actual wedding. That's my perspective anyway. |
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BWhammy |
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Posts: 5521 (10/26/2009 4:43 PM) |
engagement doesn't = marriage.. so it's not that big of a deal (imo anyway)
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Mistress Darcy |
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Posts: 12094 (10/26/2009 4:44 PM) |
I completely changed as a person since I was 18 so marriage for me would have been a disaster. The amount of young people getting divorced by their mid-20s
nowadays makes me think I am not the only one. I don't see a rush unless you are pregnant.
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HolyCannoli |
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Posts: 7252 (10/26/2009 4:46 PM) |
BWhammy wrote: I see where you're coming from, but then again. I would not want to be in a relationship with a man that's been engaged on numerous occasions. I'm sure the same goes for vice versa. Maybe that's just me. |
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nicksdolphin |
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Posts: 20663 (10/26/2009 5:04 PM) |
I think <25.
But, I don't associate maturity with marriage necessarily. I know plenty of people that got marriage right out of high school & mature is not the term I'd use to describe them. They were just naive & in love. There is nothing wrong with that. not married doesn't = crazy party person. Maturity might also mean you understand life enough that you want to wait until you're older. If you ask most people who are old now (& got married at 18) if they wish they would have waited a few years-- they'd say yes. It doesn't mean they regret it, hate their significant other, or anything. But, there is a lot of life out there that you really don't experience much of if you move from Mom & Dad's house to your husband. Where do you exist? Who are you? What do you want? What life experiences do you have? You won't ever really know yourself, but at least by 25, you've been living on your own & in college and have some life experience.
Edited By: nicksdolphin
10/26/2009 5:06 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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lolitachic05 |
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Posts: 3863 (10/26/2009 5:08 PM) |
OhManImScrewed wrote: Yes, but chances are you'll still learn things abot someone even after marrying them, no matter how long you were together before. Plus, I do not believe the amount of years a couple was together before getting married necessarily means they'll have a successful marriage. If anything, I think it can signal a lack of commitment if it takes them years and yeras to marry and they were in their 20's when they first got together. Also, not knowing somethings about someone doesn't mean the marriage is set up for failure. I guess you just have to have an idea of what issues typically make most marriages fail and it's usually a lack or communication or financial issues. |
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