What should I do in this situation?

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curiousgeoff	What should I do in this situation?	Lead	[-]
Posts: 4424 (11/04/2009 11:46 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I wouldnt post this on JJB if I had any idea how to fix it myself. It's bf trouble. So we have been together for more than 7 months. Good relationship, minor fights, some big ones, normal stuff.. we get along swimmingly, and are in love. I don't want to bash him, or make him sound crazy or anything.. I just need help with how to solve this so that both of us move forward. Issue is: My past He cant handle that I have slept with people before him. at all. like he gets angry when we drive past buildings where he assumes I have slept with someone in, or areas of town that he's heard me mention about my past, or parks that I went on dates in before him. to the point where he actually will not talk to me for like a whole day because he "cant stop thinking he might run into one of them" and he takes it out on me. and we fought all halloween because he wouldnt stop asking me about my past. and I kept telling him it was before him, has nothing to do with him, etc. and I dont even have any of my ex's on facebook, I dont have their phone numbes anymore, its been 6 months before I even met him that I last messed around with anyone. and like.. he keeps on saying things like.. "I just dont want you to remember how fun it was to be able to mess around with people and just cheat on me." and such.. its crazy. last night, i said something along the lines of. "OH i have seen that apartment!" when i was looking on craigslist.. and then he got mad, wouldnt talk to me.. and this morning texted me.. "can you please tell me his name so that I dont accidentally talk to him today and not know." what the hell am i supposed to do. I love him, and outside of this paranoid craziness, he's totally awesome! I just need some tips or help on how to stop him from being so freaking crazy about my past. He just doesnt understand that it was before him.. and that i dont hate myself for having fooled around before him.. and I didnt know him then, so none of it affects him, or has any relation to him. even if he works in the same part of town as one of them lives. HELP! (PS. i have only slept with 4 people other than him.. in 3 years.) so im not some whore. and I have never cheated.
Semirhage626		#1	[-]
Posts: 7786 (11/04/2009 11:52 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I think you need to sit him down and let him know how his actions make you feel. This is not your problem, and it's not about your past -- it is his hangup and something he needs to get over. You can't change who you've slept with. He needs to man up and figure out a way to get over it. Maybe he needs counseling -- it almost sounds like there is some other issue in his past that is making him have such an extreme reaction. If he wants a virgin, he needs to find a virgin. It is irrational of him to get angry with you. He needs to address his issues. I'm not sure what you can do other than tell him you aren't going to put up him acting like a baby.
AudaciousAudrey		#2	[-]
Posts: 33174 (11/04/2009 11:58 AM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	My ex was a lot like that. He was constantly making comments about how I was going to cheat on him and how he needed to keep an eye on me and stuff. It was also bad because we were long distance and when I'd come home he'd text me every night asking if I was going out to bars and clubs and meeting men. If he found out I went to a bar he wouldn't talk to me for a whole day. He was extremely paranoid and jealous. The root if it is insecurity, your bf has some serious insecurities that he's taking out on you. You aren't going to be able to fix them, this is something he needs to work on by himself, and in the meantime I don't know if I would be able to be with somebody like that. Eventually my ex got so stressed out over it that he said he needed space... and we broke up. Six months later he wanted to get back together, he told he he'd changed and he'd figured things out, but I was already dating my current bf.
Mistress Darcy		#3	[-]
Posts: 12324 (11/04/2009 12:01 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	He sounds crazy. Sorry. Why should he even have the right to care that you have been with someone before him? And driving around getting angry at random buildings because maybe someone you had sex with is in them?????
HolyCannoli		#4	[-]
Posts: 7663 (11/04/2009 12:02 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Curb check.
AudaciousAudrey		#5	[-]
Posts: 33176 (11/04/2009 12:03 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Oh and eventually we were having so many fights because of it. Once we were at a party and this girl and I joked about this male strip club nearby and when he found out I went, he didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I was at a party with a bunch of people I didn't know and he wouldn't even talk to me. It gets really old after awhile. ETA Also, are you the more attractive one in the relationship? I feel like guys who are this possessive and jealous see their girlfriends as more of a trophy that they don't want anyone else to have. Edited By: AudaciousAudrey 11/04/2009 12:08 PM. Edited 1 times.
bubbletoez		#6	[-]
Posts: 2852 (11/04/2009 12:04 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Holw old are the two of you? Has he had girls cheat on him in the past?
Olivia725		#7	[-]
Posts: 2413 (11/04/2009 12:07 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Get out, get out now. You may love him and it may hurt, but it is only going to get worse. He needs to grow up and find a way to get rid of his insecurities before he gets in a relationship.
IdDoJC100Ways		#8	[-]
Posts: 27895 (11/04/2009 12:09 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	There is nothing you can do. This is his issue and it will never go away. It will only get worse. Jealousy does not make for a healthy loving relationship.
SleepToDreamTonight		#9	[-]
Posts: 12754 (11/04/2009 12:26 PM) Most Intelligent '03 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Is this his first serious relationship? He seems really immature and possessive and if that's the case you cannot make him let that go. In reality he needs to deal with his issues alone before he can be with you, otherwise it's just going to become an increasing problem and it escalate from getting angry and not talking to you to violence and you don't want to be in a situation like that.
NancyOttawa		#10	[-]
Posts: 8641 (11/04/2009 12:28 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I'm sorry, but this entire issue is setting of big red flags for me. He's obviously very jealous to the point where it's crazy. I dated a guy like that once for a year. I was with him constantly but if I would finally make a girl night with my best friend to just go to a movie, he'd actually follow me in his car, without my knowing and wait outside the movie theatre to see if it was only her I came out with. I didn't find out until later. It got so bad, that I no longer went out with my girlfriends, and I couldn't even talk to my sister on the phone anymore if he was there because he'd be all jealous and keep interrupting me. I had to call her from my lunch hours at work. Then the BIG problem started. It finally just was too much for me to handle and I broke up with him. That's when it got real BAD!! He started stalking me wherever I went. Everywhere I'd go, I'd see him following me in his car, or parked outside a friends house if I was visiting. Even if I went to my families place. He was calling me at home constantly and if I wouldn't pick up and it would go to the answering machine, his messages started getting more and more frantic, more and more threatening and then just plain nasty. I had to get a restraining order on him and took in my tape from my answering machine as proof with 72 messages on it in one week!! The restraining order said he was no longer allowed on the property where my apartment was, so he got around it and started calling me at work!! When I told the receptionist to start telling him I wasn't in (poor girl) he then would call and ask for my boss and he actually told him he would "blow up the building" unless he sent me outside to him in the parking lot. And calls to the police weren't very helpful because he'd be gone by the time they got there and we had no actual proof. This went on for 3 entire years before it finally stopped when he was sent to jail for 3 months and I basically took that time to quit my job, ended my friendships, got an unlisted phone number, and moved to an entirely different part of the city. ANyhow, I didn't meant to go on, but your bf sounds exactly like mine did when we were first a couple. I just want you to be aware what could happen as a warning for you.
LauraN1234		#11	[-]
Posts: 4524 (11/04/2009 12:29 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Honestly, he sounds like a psycho.
AudaciousAudrey		#12	[-]
Posts: 33177 (11/04/2009 12:31 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Holy crap Nancy!!!!!! My ex still contacts me, I never ever respond. He emails me and texts me all the time and we have been broken up for over a year.
NancyOttawa		#13	[-]
Posts: 8642 (11/04/2009 12:33 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Well Audrey, I hope it doesn't get any worse than that for you because I went through hell!! I ended up on anti-depressants for awhile as I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress syndrome. And believe me, it got FAR worse than I'm even saying but I just don't want to go any further with it as it makes me shake to this day. But suffice it to say, by the 3rd year, the police assigned me a "panic button" to have on me at home for my safety so if he arrived where I lived, I could push it and go hide rather than try and call 911.
RedShimmerPlatforms		#14	[-]
Posts: 155 (11/04/2009 12:34 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	LauraN1234 wrote: Honestly, he sounds like a psycho. I agree don't talk, run!
NancyOttawa		#15	[-]
Posts: 8643 (11/04/2009 12:35 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I'd just hate to see the OP go thru anything similar. Not saying that her bf would be like my ex but you just never know with those type. They are very unstable and unpredictable with that level of jealousy.
berg123		#16	[-]
Posts: 1350 (11/04/2009 12:46 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Oh, no! Bad.
curiousgeoff		#17	[-]
Posts: 4425 (11/04/2009 12:51 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	aww, these are some scary stories. I understand the "run" comment in certain situations, i do. I know him though, hes not violent.. just a little possesive.. I think i just need to get it through to him that hes being crazy. i was just looking for ways to do that. because he isnt crazy, hes actually really sane, hes just acting crazy.. thanks though, for the suggestions. much appreciated responses.
NancyOttawa		#18	[-]
Posts: 8645 (11/04/2009 12:54 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	My ex wasn't violent at all either, while we were together.... but things changed when I tried to end it and then the possessiveness/jealousy kicked into high gear. And I know you are hoping that you can convince him that he's just being crazy and he has nothing to worry about but that will never happen anymore than a leopard can change it's spots.
IdDoJC100Ways		#19	[-]
Posts: 27898 (11/04/2009 12:55 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	curiousgeoff wrote: aww, these are some scary stories. I understand the "run" comment in certain situations, i do. I know him though, hes not violent.. just a little possesive.. I think i just need to get it through to him that hes being crazy. i was just looking for ways to do that. because he isnt crazy, hes actually really sane, hes just acting crazy.. thanks though, for the suggestions. much appreciated responses. It escalates. It starts off as being possessive and jealous and then escalates into more. If you don't end it now this WILL turn into Nancy's story. It always does. And Nancy...damn that's some scary shit. I know a couple people with the exact same story to tell. It's just awful.
Mistress Darcy		#20	[-]
Posts: 12325 (11/04/2009 12:55 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I hope he never "discovers" or creates a reason to think you are cheating on him.

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