What should I do in this situation?

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Olivia725		#21	[-]
Posts: 2414 (11/04/2009 12:55 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	curiousgeoff wrote: aww, these are some scary stories. I understand the "run" comment in certain situations, i do. I know him though, hes not violent.. just a little possesive.. I think i just need to get it through to him that hes being crazy. i was just looking for ways to do that. because he isnt crazy, hes actually really sane, hes just acting crazy.. thanks though, for the suggestions. much appreciated responses. Not violent yet. How old are both of you? Is this his first serious relationship?
AudaciousAudrey		#22	[-]
Posts: 33183 (11/04/2009 12:56 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Mine was never violent. But do you really want to be in a relationship where you get into fights because you drive past a certain building and he won't speak to you for an entire day? It's ridiculous.
angelfromafrica		#23	[-]
Posts: 1834 (11/04/2009 12:58 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	you always think they're not violent until its too late.. my best friend's ex was like that.. he would get really possessive around her and did not let her hang around with her friends unless he was there.. i kept telling her she needed to leave him and when she finally did things got ugly and they went to court....
MLE 6		#24	[-]
Posts: 4294 (11/04/2009 12:59 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	"can you please tell me his name so that I dont accidentally talk to him today and not know." He needs help. And not from you, from a licensed professional. He sounds very disturbed.
waitwhat		#25	[-]
Posts: 1640 (11/04/2009 12:59 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Was he a virgin when he met you?
RedLampDistrict		#26	[-]
Posts: 11225 (11/04/2009 1:01 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	His insecurity and possessiveness are only going to lead to more problems down the road.
curiousgeoff		#27	[-]
Posts: 4426 (11/04/2009 1:06 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	it is sort of both of our first serious relationships. He had less experience than me. and I had mainly short-term flings and such for 3 years. but we are early twenties. to answer some questions. and the thing is though, he's not violent at all.. I sound like a dense idiot, but its all emotional and mental stuff, like hes harmless to me physically. its more of like.. an overreaction in his head.. hes a very thought-based person.. like struggles with too much anxiety about things in his head. overthinks things. Im sure we can all relate to that at times in our lives.. i can.
NancyOttawa		#28	[-]
Posts: 8647 (11/04/2009 1:06 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	IdDoJC100Ways wrote: It escalates. It starts off as being possessive and jealous and then escalates into more. If you don't end it now this WILL turn into Nancy's story. It always does. And Nancy...damn that's some scary shit. I know a couple people with the exact same story to tell. It's just awful. It was horrifying!! I still sometimes have nightmares about those days and the odd little panic attack if I think a car is following me and it might be him. Just the other day I was walking up the street and I spotted a guy out of the corner of my eye and I thought it was him and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I finally turned and took a good look and realized it wasn't him. I'd just hate for anyone else to go through what I went through and I'm extremely concerned about what the OP is saying. These type of guys are a bit difficult to deal with when you are dating them because of the jealousy factor but otherwise they seem like great boyfriends because they want to be with you all the time, are usually very romantic, attentive, and loving etc. But Mr. Hyde comes out if you decide to call it quits and they can turn into someone you don't even recognize anymore.
baybeehk		#29	[-]
Posts: 501 (11/04/2009 1:08 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	my ex did that too.......not good girl.
Mistress Darcy		#30	[-]
Posts: 12326 (11/04/2009 1:10 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	curiousgeoff wrote: it is sort of both of our first serious relationships. He had less experience than me. and I had mainly short-term flings and such for 3 years. but we are early twenties. to answer some questions. and the thing is though, he's not violent at all.. I sound like a dense idiot, but its all emotional and mental stuff, like hes harmless to me physically. its more of like.. an overreaction in his head.. hes a very thought-based person.. like struggles with too much anxiety about things in his head. overthinks things. Im sure we can all relate to that at times in our lives.. i can. Emotional and mental abuse or possessiveness can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
AudaciousAudrey		#31	[-]
Posts: 33184 (11/04/2009 1:10 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	NancyOttawa wrote: These type of guys are a bit difficult to deal with when you are dating them because of the jealousy factor but otherwise they seem like great boyfriends because they want to be with you all the time, are usually very romantic, attentive, and loving etc. Yes! Very sweet and attentive and want to take care of you.
NancyOttawa		#32	[-]
Posts: 8648 (11/04/2009 1:12 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	curiousgeoff wrote: to answer some questions. and the thing is though, he's not violent at all.. I sound like a dense idiot, but its all emotional and mental stuff, like hes harmless to me physically. its more of like.. an overreaction in his head.. hes a very thought-based person.. like struggles with too much anxiety about things in his head. overthinks things. This is now the 2nd time you've said he's not violent at all so I'm going to repeat to you... neither was my bf. But really you came in here asking what you should do and a lot of people are warning you and others are telling you to sit down and talk to him. Of course you aren't going to heed the warnings, because you don't see any threat from him so I totally understand. I wouldn't have believed it either had anyone told me about my bf. And for your sake, I hope if things do end sometime down the road, you don't go through what I did, but I just want to caution you at least "just in case". You can sit him down and talk to him until you are blue in the face, but you will NOT change his jealousy issue. You may have to just put up with it if you love him that much and do you best to reassure him every time this happens, and it will probably be often by what you are saying because he is jealous of things he is even making up in his mind.
KatieSLP		#33	[-]
Posts: 679 (11/04/2009 1:14 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	curiousgeoff wrote: I know him though, hes not violent.. just a little possesive.. I think i just need to get it through to him that hes being crazy. i was just looking for ways to do that. because he isnt crazy, hes actually really sane, hes just acting crazy.. thanks though, for the suggestions. much appreciated responses. I have to agree that it sounds like he needs help. This sounds like emotional and controlling behavior to me. If he is this irrational and angry about your PAST (which everyone has) then I would be scared to see how he is going to react to things in the future. What happens when you talk to another guy in passing or have a male co-worker you are friends with? Are you going to have to be punished with his remarks and snide comments for weeks after? You all have not been together that long and things like this always seem to get worse. Red flags everywhere here. Regarding your comment I would say that almost all abusive relationships start out with the female thinking that the guy is not violent or capable of being crazy. My abusive relationship was with a guy that everyone thought walked on water. Attending a Christian University, loved by his family, friends and co-workers, very polite and respectful, etc. No one, except for my close friends, even believed that he was capable of the things he did to me. It started like this with emotional abuse and controlling behavior but after a year(when he must have thought I was hooked so it was safe for him to be his true crazy psychotic self) it got nasty really quick. Not saying your boyfriend is like this I just cringe when I hear someone say that.
SelFish		#34	[-]
Posts: 9307 (11/04/2009 1:14 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I don't think he's psycho, he has issues. You need to figure out what they are and why. And he's projecting his insecurities onto you, which isn't good. What he's looking for is validation on a constant basis that you are not going to cheat on him (which you've said you've never done) and he is not trusting your actions, regardless of your history. Not good. Honestly though, his badgering and continued harping about this sounds annoying and it's nice of you to be patient and want to work through this with him, but it does need to be addressed. If it doesn't go away though, you need to state that he could lose you over his own insecurities and his own mindfucking.
SleepToDreamTonight		#35	[-]
Posts: 12755 (11/04/2009 1:15 PM) Most Intelligent '03 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	It's easy to say "it's fine, he's just a little possessive, we'll work on it..." but come on, if one of your girlfriends told you that about her boyfriend would you suggest she stay in a relationship that has potential to turn dangerous quickly? First relationship or not, he has some serious internal issues that if not dealt with will eventually turn to external issues. I hope you can see that his possessiveness is a kind of abuse and it's not going to get better on it's own, if he can't deal with his issues with your past then maybe a little space would help him to come to terms with some things.
Olivia725		#36	[-]
Posts: 2416 (11/04/2009 1:16 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	AudaciousAudrey wrote: NancyOttawa wrote: These type of guys are a bit difficult to deal with when you are dating them because of the jealousy factor but otherwise they seem like great boyfriends because they want to be with you all the time, are usually very romantic, attentive, and loving etc. Yes! Very sweet and attentive and want to take care of you. This and they are VERY manipulative. They will turn things around and make you feel guilty even if you didn't do anything wrong. Mental abuse can be as bad as physical abuse.
NancyOttawa		#37	[-]
Posts: 8649 (11/04/2009 1:17 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	AudaciousAudrey wrote: NancyOttawa wrote: These type of guys are a bit difficult to deal with when you are dating them because of the jealousy factor but otherwise they seem like great boyfriends because they want to be with you all the time, are usually very romantic, attentive, and loving etc. Yes! Very sweet and attentive and want to take care of you. Exactly!! I felt so lucky to have him at first but it got to be so stifling after a year, I couldn't take it anymore. What made me leave him is when it progressed so far with his jealousy that one night he bit the crap out of some poor guy in a bar where we were sitting and having a drink just because the guy looked at me!!! When my bf saw him he told him to"take a damn picture if you want to stare at her!" I was so embarassed and tried to quietlycalm him down but he kept getting angrier and angrier and I could feel it oozing out of him. The poor guy he yelled at quickly paid for his drink and went to leave and my bf went after him as he walked past on his way out the door!! I was just sick to my stomach at what I had witnessed and that's when I knew I couldn't take it anymore. And if the OPs boyfriend is that jealous of her past lovers from before she even knew him, can you imagine what he might do to one of them!
curiousgeoff		#38	[-]
Posts: 4427 (11/04/2009 1:19 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	NancyOttawa wrote: curiousgeoff wrote: to answer some questions. and the thing is though, he's not violent at all.. I sound like a dense idiot, but its all emotional and mental stuff, like hes harmless to me physically. its more of like.. an overreaction in his head.. hes a very thought-based person.. like struggles with too much anxiety about things in his head. overthinks things. This is now the 2nd time you've said he's not violent at all so I'm going to repeat to you... neither was my bf. But really you came in here asking what you should do and a lot of people are warning you and others are telling you to sit down and talk to him. Of course you aren't going to heed the warnings, because you don't see any threat from him so I totally understand. I wouldn't have believed it either had anyone told me about my bf. And for your sake, I hope if things do end sometime down the road, you don't go through what I did, but I just want to caution you at least "just in case". You can sit him down and talk to him until you are blue in the face, but you will NOT change his jealousy issue. You may have to just put up with it if you love him that much and do you best to reassure him every time this happens, and it will probably be often by what you are saying because he is jealous of things he is even making up in his mind. i appreciate your comments though NancyOttawa, I understand that its a risk.. And I am a very independant person, I dont put up with abuse.. So if it got to that point, I would be out so fast.. the thing is, at the moment and for the last 7 months its just been paranoia on his part, and other than pissing me off, its not be abbusive or really affected me otherwise.. I want to give him a chance to talk it out.. sort of give him an ultimatum, like.. "you need to deal with this externally, and get over this fixation within a certain time frame, or this wont work." and give him a chance to A.) admit he has an issue and deal with the issue if he cares enough or B.) decide he cant, and we bring an end to it. but I do understand all the comments.. I would be on that side of the fence, if i had any inclination that he might be violent, or had I recieved any targetted abuse outside of his irrational feelings. I would just rather confront, fix, solve the problem.. or at least give it a go, before I bail.
KatieSLP		#39	[-]
Posts: 680 (11/04/2009 1:19 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Olivia725 wrote: AudaciousAudrey wrote: NancyOttawa wrote: These type of guys are a bit difficult to deal with when you are dating them because of the jealousy factor but otherwise they seem like great boyfriends because they want to be with you all the time, are usually very romantic, attentive, and loving etc. Yes! Very sweet and attentive and want to take care of you. This and they are VERY manipulative. They will turn things around and make you feel guilty even if you didn't do anything wrong. Mental abuse can be as bad as physical abuse. Exactly!! In my relationship everyone thought he was the BEST boyfriend and so did he. In his own head I guess. It was always MY fault.
OMFGimCARRIE		#40	[-]
Posts: 352 (11/04/2009 1:19 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	IdDoJC100Ways wrote: curiousgeoff wrote: aww, these are some scary stories. I understand the "run" comment in certain situations, i do. I know him though, hes not violent.. just a little possesive.. I think i just need to get it through to him that hes being crazy. i was just looking for ways to do that. because he isnt crazy, hes actually really sane, hes just acting crazy.. thanks though, for the suggestions. much appreciated responses. It escalates. It starts off as being possessive and jealous and then escalates into more. If you don't end it now this WILL turn into Nancy's story. It always does. And Nancy...damn that's some scary shit. I know a couple people with the exact same story to tell. It's just awful. I completely agree. I went through it. It started off the way you're telling it and it ended up with him choking me until I passed out and he dislocated my jaw. He'd burn me with cigarettes and shot me with a BB gun a few times. Get out now!

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What should I do in this situation?