How do you handle this one?

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jillleigh		#41	[-]
Posts: 372 (11/18/2009 7:51 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	i take some of the blame in that i never have actially said no i don't want her ring so he probably doesn't see it as something so major, but until now we've never really seriously discussed anything about rings and stuff... i'm in for a long talk. maybe i'll put it off till tomorrow night when i'm a little less emotional and i don't have to work in the morning.
lacheysgurl		#42	[-]
Posts: 10692 (11/18/2009 8:01 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	just breathe.....good luck and please keep us updated!
jillleigh		#43	[-]
Posts: 373 (11/18/2009 8:13 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	thanks! i'll lt you know how things turn out =)
jillleigh		#44	[-]
Posts: 373 (11/18/2009 8:14 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	thanks! i'll lt you know how things turn out =)
Irishlvr04		#45	[-]
Posts: 6566 (11/18/2009 8:21 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	jillleigh wrote: so, the bf and and I have decided to become engaged, which of course brings up the subject of the ring. Basically the oprions are 1. an entirely new ring. or 2. his mother's ring. Now his mother's ring is beautiful , it's sapphire which I love, but a. I want a ring of my own, and b. the thought of wearing her ring creeps me out a bit because she is no longer livng. We've talked about this before. I've never actually told him I didn't want his mother's ring mostly because I don't knowhow to say it without coming across as weird. My sister things I'm being a brat about and I will hurt his feelings if I don't take his mother's ring. I would just tell him that you cant possibly accept something like that. Then he will think you are being considerate.
helenstl		#46	[-]
Posts: 3533 (11/18/2009 8:27 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I stopped reading after the 1st page. BUT IMO I think you should take the ring. IF the only issues are 'the mum is dead' and 'you want a ring of your own' - they are kinda (sorry) petty. I would feel uncomfortable wearing the ring if the mum was alive and still married or divorced. I would personally feel so honored his family would want you to have the ring, and him to have something that was so special in his mother's life. It is really a gift, more so than a new ring.
iheartblue		#47	[-]
Posts: 11698 (11/18/2009 8:31 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	I'd be shocked if he got "hurt" by her wanting to change the setting. We were recently given a ring from my FIL that belonged to my deceased MIL. When he gave it my husband he said he'd like me to have it. When my husband gave it to me he said, I know you won't like the setting, but we can have it reset and I'd like that. I've found a setting I like for the diamonds and no one's upset. He's glad it'll still be used by me and not put in a drawer somewhere and that I'll enjoy the way it looks. Ultimately she needs to talk to him to know for sure, obviously I don't know the dude. But most people don't mind resetting family rings.
jillleigh		#48	[-]
Posts: 376 (11/18/2009 8:44 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	iheartblue wrote: I'd be shocked if he got "hurt" by her wanting to change the setting. We were recently given a ring from my FIL that belonged to my deceased MIL. When he gave it my husband he said he'd like me to have it. When my husband gave it to me he said, I know you won't like the setting, but we can have it reset and I'd like that. I've found a setting I like for the diamonds and no one's upset. He's glad it'll still be used by me and not put in a drawer somewhere and that I'll enjoy the way it looks. Ultimately she needs to talk to him to know for sure, obviously I don't know the dude. But most people don't mind resetting family rings.yoi'l i'll mention it to him when we talk about it. i don't think he'll mind, but at the same time i'd feel a tiny bit bratty asking, but it'll be slightly less creepy for me and something i like.
BballinQT24		#49	[-]
Posts: 2328 (11/18/2009 9:53 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Personally I would want my own ring. I agree with the person that said that the ring is a reflection on the personality of the bride and the current relationship. Maybe you can either take the stone from his mothers ring and have it set in a new band, or you could save his mother's ring to give to your future daughter if you ever have one.
daisy bouquet		#50	[-]
Posts: 1813 (11/18/2009 10:05 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	If women put as much energy into the relationship as they did the wedding planning, maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high. He could buy you a brand new million dollar ring and its not going to mean anything if your relationship falls apart. Dont stress yourself out over a piece of metal. Worry about the important things.
Sleepn		#51	[-]
Posts: 19618 (11/18/2009 10:07 PM) Most Mysterious '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	...like not being able to communicate wishes regarding the symbol of their union, the ring?
daisy bouquet		#52	[-]
Posts: 1814 (11/18/2009 10:09 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Sleepn wrote: ...like not being able to communicate wishes regarding the symbol of their union, the ring? You missed the part where I said to focus on important things. If you think a ring means all that, then your priorities are wrong.
Sleepn		#53	[-]
Posts: 19619 (11/18/2009 10:10 PM) Most Mysterious '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts	if you missed the key word "communicate," you're not on a roll, either.
daisy bouquet		#54	[-]
Posts: 1815 (11/18/2009 10:16 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts	Sleepn wrote: if you missed the key word "communicate," you're not on a roll, either. You do have a point. If they cant make a decision about a stupid ring that has no consequence on the marriage, then they do have problems. That really is why couples divorce - if they cant communicate on the little things, how are they going to work out important issues. Is she going to come to JJB when they cant agree on how many children to have?

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