| Started By | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|
 FreeSpiritSinger84 |
Would you be upset/hurt/whatever... |
Lead | |
|
Posts: 2390 (07/05/2008 8:10 AM) |
if your fiance's mom called and told him that she was paying for a plane ticket for him to go to his cousin's wedding in Houston and there wasn't
any mention of you whatsoever? Cause I don't know whether to blow it off or be upset that my fiance is going to a wedding without me. It just kinda feels
like his family still doesn't act like I am a part of his life in a way. Or is that way over-analyzing? Help.
|
||
|
LuckyBeach |
|||
|
Posts: 116 (07/05/2008 8:30 AM) |
I would be a little upset, but do you know who's getting married? Plane tickets are really expensive. You should talk to your fiance about it
|
||
 fluffyjenn |
|||
|
Posts: 6011 (07/05/2008 8:32 AM) |
LuckyBeach wrote: I agree with this comment. Talk to your fiance. Although I don't understand why his mother is paying for his ticket if he's a full-grown man. Why doesn't he just buy one for you as well? |
||
|
LuckyBeach |
|||
|
Posts: 118 (07/05/2008 8:37 AM) |
 I was thinking the same thing fluffy. I wish my parents would do that. I think he should buy you one if you want to go, but I understand that its mostly
that they didn't mention you.
|
||
|
FreeSpiritSinger84 |
|||
|
Posts: 2391 (07/05/2008 8:40 AM) |
Well I talked with him earlier and he's upset that I am hurt by it. We don't have the money to pay for a ticket for me because we have bills and rent,
etc. So he's like "Well fine then. I guess I won't see my cousin." Like all bitchy and resentful sounding. That's the last thing I want.
But I also see it as a direct slap in the face if he goes. It shows me he doesn't really respect our relationship. I mean, how many couples do you see
going without their husband or wife like 2,000 miles away?
|
||
|
SpiritualHerpes |
|||
|
Posts: 8359 (07/05/2008 8:40 AM) Best Screen Name '07 |
Probably. Even if it wasn't someone important or anything, they should have invited you to go, too.
|
||
|
Jaime04 |
|||
|
Posts: 1461 (07/05/2008 9:02 AM) |
Your fiance should have asked about you to his mother. He should have declined.
|
||
|
imnotsayingitright |
|||
|
Posts: 23374 (07/05/2008 10:06 AM) |
If it's that big of a deal to him, I think you guys should charge your ticket. Or ask his mother to pay for your ticket with the understanding that you
would pay her back.
My sister was married in April, and tickets are expensive, so my dad paid for my ticket to be nice, but we paid for my husband's ticket - on our credit card. This was my sister, so it was very important that we both be there, prices be damned. |
||
|
Mistress Darcy |
|||
|
Posts: 2913 (07/05/2008 10:08 AM) |
I would not see it as a direct slap in the face. I would probably want my man to see his family even if we could not afford me to go as well.
|
||
|
IdDoJC100Ways |
|||
|
Posts: 22110 (07/05/2008 10:09 AM) |
As a finance, no I don't think it's a problem at all. While feeling upset seems natural, I think it would be a totally different situation if you were
already married.
And why should he have declined? It's a family wedding and someone wants the whole family there. The OP isn't yet a part of the family despite the living arrangements. |
||
|
tackyblueeyeshadow |
|||
|
Posts: 4880 (07/05/2008 10:12 AM) |
IdDoJC100Ways wrote: Completely agree with this.
|
||
|
Kris700 |
|||
|
Posts: 4866 (07/05/2008 10:15 AM) |
FreeSpiritSinger84 wrote:
This is his cousin. Do you know the cousin? Are you close to this cousin? I really don't see how him going to his cousin's wedding without you, when you can't afford it, is in any way, shape or form a slap in the face to you. How many couples do I see going thousands of miles without there spouse? I see lots of them. No one in my extended family would any problem with it. |
||
|
FreeSpiritSinger84 |
|||
|
Posts: 2399 (07/05/2008 10:16 AM) |
IdDoJC100Ways wrote: While I agree with you, in the sense that we are not married. Yet at the same time it's what I don't understand. To me when someone proposes to someone, they are like part of the family now. You know, they are going to be with that person for a lifetime. I mean, you don't propose to someone without the idea that you are marrying them. You don't buy a ring and set up joint accounts for a good time. To me I am seeing the big picture. I just don't feel that I will get any respect from his family when I walk down the aisle. I don't see how that changes everything. But I do see what you are saying and I do agree. |
||
|
IdDoJC100Ways |
|||
|
Posts: 22113 (07/05/2008 10:19 AM) |
While I agree with you, in the sense that we are not married. Yet at the same time it's what I don't understand. To me when someone proposes to someone, they are like part of the family now. You know, they are going to be with that person for a lifetime. I mean, you don't propose to someone without the idea that you are marrying them. You don't buy a ring and set up joint accounts for a good time. To me I am seeing the big picture. I just don't feel that I will get any respect from his family when I walk down the aisle. I don't see how that changes everything. But I do see what you are saying and I do agree. You may or may not get the respect, but in many families you're not in the family until you walk back down that wedding aisle as husband and wife. If things don't change after your wedding I'd certainly hope your husband would stand up for you, but on this one I'd just say that there are things to make a big deal about and things to let slide. In the grand scheme of things, this is one to let slide. If it happens when you're married, then throw a fit. |
||
|
Mistress Darcy |
|||
|
Posts: 2914 (07/05/2008 10:20 AM) |
To me, being a part of the family is not magically clinched with an engagment. Ultimately, engagment is not that different from a plain old relationship. I see
being a part of the family as something that is earned over time-trust and respect. It may happen before getting engaged or it may happen years after the
marriage depending on the circumstances.
In general, I think this is something you should just let go and be cool about. That may even earn part of that trust and respect-do you want to be the one that forces her man to decline seeing his family? Which I can guarantee is what they will all be saying if you make him back out now. |
||
|
IdDoJC100Ways |
|||
|
Posts: 22114 (07/05/2008 10:23 AM) |
Mistress Darcy wrote: I think that's true. I'm treated very differently now than when we were first married. I was my husband's wife and the mother of the first
grandchild. Over time it's developed into more. Now after 18 years I'm their daughter. It's just evolved over time.
|
||
|
texaskiwi85 |
|||
|
Posts: 5092 (07/05/2008 10:25 AM) |
IdDoJC100Ways wrote: I am engaged as well I wouldn't be taking it as personal insult or anything. You're asking "how many people do you see with their wives
etc." Who cares? If they can't afford to pay for two tickets it has nothing to do with you. That's no reason for him not to go to a family wedding
just because you are taking it personally. I'd take as a blessing in disguise. I hate going to weddings for people I don't know. I couldn't imagine
taking a trip and spending hours with people I don't know on top of the wedding.
|
||
|
imnotsayingitright |
|||
|
Posts: 23377 (07/05/2008 10:28 AM) |
Whatever happens, I don't think it'd be wise for you to expect your fiance to miss the wedding.
His family wants him there, and HE wants to be there. People have to separate all the time for a variety of reasons. I missed my husband's family reunion because I couldn't get the time off work (that sucked). My cousin's husband missed my sister's wedding for the same reason. Just because half of the couple couldn't go doesn't mean the other half should miss out as well. |
||
|
FreeSpiritSinger84 |
|||
|
Posts: 2400 (07/05/2008 10:28 AM) |
We've been together six years so its been a long time for them to supposedly earn my trust. I do not want to be the person that doesn't let him see his
family either. I would hate for him to resent me. Yet I also do not see engagement as a regular relationship. A ring signifies commitment. However, I do think
I am just going to say that he should go. I guess I will be fine, alone, all by myself with no family or really any friends in Alaska while he sees his
wonderful family in Texas. Sigh. He needs to see his mom. I know she misses him.
|
||
|
Mistress Darcy |
|||
|
Posts: 2916 (07/05/2008 10:29 AM) |
IdDoJC100Ways wrote: Yep. Same with my brother's wife and they have only been married for 2-3 years now. When they got married we did not know her that well. We were polite and never made her feel like an outsider, but we did not wildly embrace her as a part of the family. That has changed a lot just naturally over time now that we do know her and also know what an amazing wife and mother she is. |
||
|
Mistress Darcy |
|||
|
Posts: 2918 (07/05/2008 10:33 AM) |
FreeSpiritSinger84 wrote: Signifies a commitment that could be ended tomorrow in a split second with no legal issues at all. Just him walking out the door. That is what I meant.
|
||
