How do I explain my grief to people around me?

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Jillian808	How do I explain my grief to people around me?	Lead	[-]
Posts: 13738 (09/05/2008 4:35 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	So today is my dad's birthday, his first birthday of since he passed away in January. I'm definitely not okay with his death, I know for sure I haven't come to terms with it or anything close to that. Today is just like a reminder that he's not here and he won't be here ever again. The people around me are bugging me to hang out, go out drinking... I have things to do for a baby shower I'm hosting tomorrow and also schoolwork, I don't feel like going out and drinking. I feel like I can't get my message across though to those around me that I'm... really hurting and I'm just trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to think about it. I tell them I'm not okay but they don't seem to get it
muffinlover		#1	[-]
Posts: 14350 (09/05/2008 4:38 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Awww baby, I am so sorry Try to be adamant about how you need your time and space right now and that you are having a hard time. Are your mom and/or siblings around so that you could maybe talk to one of them about it in depth? Or a close friend? I really hope you feel better.
Jillian808		#2	[-]
Posts: 13740 (09/05/2008 4:42 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Thanks girl. My mom isn't really helping, she doesn't talk about anything thats too emotional My siblings all went to a different island today, where my dad's family is from to be together since it's his first bday since he's gone. I didn't go though because my step-mother would be there and she hates me. I keep like telling people around me like... Do you even understand how hard it is to comprehend (for me) that he's dead and never coming back? Then they look at me like I have a third eye.
EJFiederer		#3	[-]
Posts: 9147 (09/05/2008 4:44 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	You don't need to go into detail! You are busy. THE END!
sweet banana cake		#4	[-]
Posts: 1508 (09/05/2008 4:45 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. It's nobody's business except your own.
OrangeCrush		#5	[-]
Posts: 17701 (09/05/2008 4:46 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I'm so sorry! My dad died in '03 and his first birthday after his death sucked! Have you tried writing down how you feel and showing it to your mom? It could help to get her to open up.
Jillian808		#6	[-]
Posts: 13741 (09/05/2008 5:07 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Thanks OC. I really hope it gets better...
MoralDesert		#7	[-]
Posts: 730 (09/05/2008 5:09 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	why do you have to explain yourself? why don't you turn off your phone, computer, etc...or just call up your mom or siblings to talk about him a little? if your friends are too idiotic to understand why you're upset, maybe you should reconsider those friendships.
Alex the Goob		#8	[-]
Posts: 38074 (09/05/2008 5:10 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	You don't need to explain it. They should just understand. If they don't, fuck them.
Jillian808		#9	[-]
Posts: 13742 (09/05/2008 5:30 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	It's just hard when the people that are closest to you can't seem to get it when you desparately need them to...
Frozenember		#10	[-]
Posts: 327 (09/05/2008 5:35 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I always take that day to myself and I usually go and visit my Dad at his grave and talk to him. I am usually a mess but I always feel better afterwards. Hugz. Sometimes the ones that leave us are the ones we need to talk to most and I see nothing wrong with talking to them.
rsnapple		#11	[-]
Posts: 6455 (09/05/2008 5:50 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	my dads first bday since he passed in january was in july and i know exactly how you feel. but i surrounded myself with family and we did all of the things we would have done with my dad...went down the shore, went fishing, ate at his favorite restaurants and all ordered his favorite beer. it was as if he was with us and was sort of comforting. just know that just because he's physically gone doesnt mean he's not with you everyday.
skyblue87		#12	[-]
Posts: 186 (09/05/2008 6:02 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	My 35 month old niece passed away in June, a day before my 21st birthday. My friends were all bugging me to go out too. It's like, do you not understand? She was like my own. Her 3rd birthday was in July, a month after she passed away. We held a party for her to celebrate her life. It was very hard. My friend turned 21 the same day we had her party, and they couldn't understand why I didn't want to hang out with them and celebrate. It has now been 3 months since she passed away, and I still find myself not being able to function and go out and have fun. I completely understand where you are coming from. Some people just don't and won't understand until maybe they go through something like that. Before she passed away, I had nobody close to me that had ever died. I didn't really grasp the ramifications of death until this summer. But I definitely know where you are coming from. My prayers are with you.
Jillian808		#13	[-]
Posts: 13743 (09/05/2008 6:29 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Rsnapple, that sounds so nice. I think I'm going to try and do something similar Skyblue, I started to cry reading your reply. I can't ever imagine losing a child so close to me. I wish I knew what else to say
Samantha James		#14	[-]
Posts: 2880 (09/05/2008 6:33 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Maybe the best thing to do is just to ignore everyone. No phone calls, no visits, etc. Shut the whole operation down and just do what you need to do. If people aren't being understanding, the best thing may be to just avoid them altogether.
rsnapple		#15	[-]
Posts: 6458 (09/05/2008 6:35 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Jillian808 wrote: Rsnapple, that sounds so nice. I think I'm going to try and do something similar Skyblue, I started to cry reading your reply. I can't ever imagine losing a child so close to me. I wish I knew what else to say yea you'll feel better knowing that you are keeping his spirit alive. and you know whats weird...i was using his tahoe to bring our fishing rods down the shore and when i opened the car in the morning the radio was on but the car was completely shut off...i kept saying to myself all day that he was definitely with us
SurvivorQT		#16	[-]
Posts: 562 (09/05/2008 6:38 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	one of the only reasons I dont like living here in hawaii, partying, drinking, drugs
Jillian808		#17	[-]
Posts: 13744 (09/05/2008 6:49 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Rsnapple, I totally know what you mean! I have times when I just know my dad is there too Survivor, I hate it sometimes too! Do you party?
skyblue87		#18	[-]
Posts: 187 (09/05/2008 9:47 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	It is nice to know that other people are going through grief such as me. I haven't had many other people to talk to about it besides family because nobody understands. But I know that she is looking down on me and I will see her again one day and that is what gets me through. I don't know how my brother and sister-in-law are standing so strong through this time, especially since my sister-in-law was also in the accident that killed her child. Even though death is a natural thing, you don't think about the people close to you dying, especially the young ones. It hits hard whether it's losing your niece, or losing your father at any stage in life. I am just thankful that I got to have 35 months of her joy. And just to know that at some point everybody goes through losing a loved one. It brings peace to me to know that I am not the only one. I'm glad you posted this, because it really touched me.
Dirty Coke		#19	[-]
Posts: 15012 (09/05/2008 9:55 PM) JJB Smartass '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I think your friends are being very inconsiderate and selfish. Since they're being dense about it, you need to bluntly explain to them that today would have been your father's (feel in age) birthday and that you want to spend the day (or weekend or month, whatever you need LOL) to yourself to honor him. If they don't back off after THAT, tell them to go to hell. That should get the point across.
karahere		#20	[-]
Posts: 2778 (09/05/2008 10:00 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	sweet banana cake wrote: You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. It's nobody's business except your own. yeah why the hell are you explaining yourself?

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How do I explain my grief to people around me?

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